Life as a Blog…

Like so many others before me had said…
"Yana…it’s time to let go"

At first…I didn’t want to let go…but like many other times before…I always said to myself…
"You have to let go…You don’t have any choice…"
Even so, in the end…I never did…

I hope this realization…within this few hours…I have to really…really…let go…
Today, a friend of mine asked me "Why can’t you do it?? what seems to be the reason?"
And you know what…I could not answer that…since I could not put it into words…
My head says I should…but my heart still won’t let go….

I went out in my car today…
as I passed the street of Bandung…and see all the people’s faces along the sidewalks..
and then as I got home, I opened my computer and browsed through old pictures of me…of us…and how far we have traveled…
Then I realized…all this time…this past 6 years…I’ve been lucky…I should be thankful instead of mesmerizing the love that I’ve lost…

In every picture…I always smiles…never shows my true feelings…even I remembered the time we took the picture..my mind was somewhere else…
Maybe this is who I am…this what has made people think that I am OK with everything….while somewhere deep inside of me piled up with sadness…

But still I have to be thankful…
I am still alive … didn’t die of heartbreak…
I became stronger…didn’t give up
and most importantly … I am lucky…’coz I met someone who has willing to accept me with all my flaws and sadness…
And because of him, I could be Me right now…
He had given me the chance to travel and lived the life that I couldn’t possibly dream…
And because of his independence…I am proud to be partnered with him

I realized…if my dream had came true…
I wouldn’t be like I am today…
I would be weak…and would never have my stand…
I would only be a shadow of a man…
I would not be able to have the chance to taste life outside the cage…

And I hope all of these are enough as my defense…
of trying to reason with my letting go of the past…

And for my future…I guess the saying is true:

"Since I found you, my world seems so brand new
You’ve shown me the love I never knew
Your presence is what my whole life through

Since I found you, my life begin so new
Now who needs a dream when there is you
For all of my dreams came true
Because of you…"

This entry was posted on Friday, August 11th, 2006 at 8:13 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.